UK Living agreed to replace Derek's Toyota minivan with a top of the range tour bus. Unfortunately, I have been prohibited from riding with Derek after I declined to take advantage of Acorah's offer of 'sloppy seconds' with a recently widowed thirtysomething. She had been cherry picked from the audience at his show at the Yeovil Octagon.
A Derek Acorah Self-portrait. Derek was especially proud of his rendition of the 'Ghost Town' font. When I asked him where the
's' was, he called me an 'ungrateful little queer.' As you have probably gathered our relationship is becoming increasingly strained.
Lovely moment when Derek clocks the 'Pool is Unsupervised' sign at this Haven Holiday Park in Hopton. He was concerned that some campsite jobsworth would stop him going for a refreshing nude swim in the family pool. Derek generally prefers to cover up, but 2 days previously I was ordered to incinerate his swimming trunks after an unsavoury incident at a leisure centre on the outskirts of Walsall.
Taken in the Men's room at 40 Degreez, Aldershot. Here Derek is looking well and truly peeved due to the persistent goading from a group of off-duty servicemen. After having his amorous ambitions thwarted for the umpteenth time that evening, Derek slammed a clenched fist into the defective contraceptive machine and croaked: "If that cunt shouts 'BOO' one more time I will cut his fucking ears off."
Derek filming some dodgy celeb reality show, he claims he only does these gigs for the money, yet he seems to revel in the company of minor television personalities. Derek seemed genuinely starstruck by June Sarpong, and I even overheard him gushing over the 'halcyon days of T4'. Being the Silver-tongued fox that he is, Derek managed to talk Nancy Dell'olio into spending the night on the Ghost Towns passion wagon. In a move uncharacteristic of Delboy, he also granted her request to ride with us for the remaining dates on his UK Tour. Inevitably, his infamously short attention span claimed yet another heart, and Derek's once intense cravings for Nancy quickly waned. I sensed Derek was up to something when he told our driver (Ken) to park up outside a service station on the edge of Cleethorpes. He asked Nancy to fetch him "20 Pall Mall and a bag of Murray Mints" and gave her a friendly tap on the bum. Nancy obliged and scampered enthusiastically into the Shell garage. Once she was inside Derek barked at Ken to "Put the metal to peddle" following up this order with the exclamation that "This bitch is deadwood." Nancy never did make it to Grimsby.
Clearly it didn't take Derek long to get over Nancy. Here he is intoxicated by lust, getting some serious groping in before the end of his tour.
UK Living agreed to replace Derek's Toyota minivan with a top of the range tour bus. Unfortunately, I have been prohibited from riding with Derek after I declined to take advantage of Acorah's offer of 'sloppy seconds' with a recently widowed thirtysomething. She had been cherry picked from the audience at his show at the Yeovil Octagon.
A Derek Acorah Self-portrait. Derek was especially proud of his rendition of the 'Ghost Town' font. When I asked him where the 's' was, he called me an 'ungrateful little queer.' As you have probably gathered our relationship is becoming increasingly strained. 
Lovely moment when Derek clocks the 'Pool is Unsupervised' sign at this Haven Holiday Park in Hopton. He was concerned that some campsite jobsworth would stop him going for a refreshing nude swim in the family pool. Derek generally prefers to cover up, but 2 days previously I was ordered to incinerate his swimming trunks after an unsavoury incident at a leisure centre on the outskirts of Walsall. 
Taken in the Men's room at 40 Degreez, Aldershot. Here Derek is looking well and truly peeved due to the persistent goading from a group of off-duty servicemen. After having his amorous ambitions thwarted for the umpteenth time that evening, Derek slammed a clenched fist into the defective contraceptive machine and croaked: "If that cunt shouts 'BOO' one more time I will cut his fucking ears off."
Derek filming some dodgy celeb reality show, he claims he only does these gigs for the money, yet he seems to revel in the company of minor television personalities. Derek seemed genuinely starstruck by June Sarpong, and I even overheard him gushing over the 'halcyon days of T4'. Being the Silver-tongued fox that he is, Derek managed to talk Nancy Dell'olio into spending the night on the Ghost Towns passion wagon. In a move uncharacteristic of Delboy, he also granted her request to ride with us for the remaining dates on his UK Tour. Inevitably, his infamously short attention span claimed yet another heart, and Derek's once intense cravings for Nancy quickly waned. I sensed Derek was up to something when he told our driver (Ken) to park up outside a service station on the edge of Cleethorpes. He asked Nancy to fetch him "20 Pall Mall and a bag of Murray Mints" and gave her a friendly tap on the bum. Nancy obliged and scampered enthusiastically into the Shell garage. Once she was inside Derek barked at Ken to "Put the metal to peddle" following up this order with the exclamation that "This bitch is deadwood." Nancy never did make it to Grimsby.
Clearly it didn't take Derek long to get over Nancy. Here he is intoxicated by lust, getting some serious groping in before the end of his tour.
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