Whilst walking through Deptford on Monday I was given some sound, yet slightly upsetting advice by a local 'character' who managed to loudly slur: "lose the glasses mate, they make you look like a twat." This unprovoked taunting was all the more hurtful because it was delivered by an inebriated man wearing a salmon pink polo shirt. As he sauntered into the distance chuckling to himself, I clocked that his shirt had 'Peewee No 1' emblazoned on the back of it. Way to celebrate a notorious celebrity nonce pal. To add insult, the random cockend was wearing glasses as he delivered his remark, a fact that he seemed oblivious to. Talk about throwing stones from glass houses.
After being subjected to repeated instances of random street abuse and drive-by heckling, I have been rendered paranoid and hypersensitive. Just a minute ago a female colleague said that I looked "very rock'n'roll today". I have absolutely no idea whether she was being sarcastic (to be fair I am wearing jeans today, despite working in an office that adheres to a strict no denim policy. KERRANG!)
On the topic of upsetting incidents, I have been informed that later today I am going to have to sport a long-sleeved t-shirt that bares the slogan 'i can help' [sic] on its front. This unnecessary, but severely demeaning garment will be worn as I reprise my role as dweeb chaperone at an IT event. Previous dealings with computer orientated individuals have proved less than enjoyable. To get through the event I am going to refer to everyone as 'chip', and will greet all visitors with a strong handshake and an overzealous back slap. The kind of chronic nerd that I will be dealing with loathes human contact.
It's not all doom and gloom though, as I have some compulsory work drinks to attend this evening which have been organised to mark the departure of a beloved member of staff. If anyone fancies getting in on the 2-for-1 cocktail shenanigans, I'll be the slightly irate rockstar propping up the bar at 'Potions'.
will you have to disport yourself in the unnatractive garment AND wear your glasses. How disagreable. Hope you managed a caustic retort to the sad nob in the street. I[barely] tolerated such incidents for 25 years once spending all my savings on a pair with "revolutionary exciting thin lenses" only to be greeted with the comment from my [then] partner
ReplyDelete"OK jokes over, take the fucking things off" .
Heartbreaking I think you will agree.
At least you have a look of Jarvis Cocker. Mine was more Deidre Barlow