Yesterday was spent residing in the hell of professional/personal development. My department was forced into spending an entire day working together on how to achieve our personal and professional goals. At 9.30 am we entered room C2.15 and were greeted by 2 giant thermos flasks, a tray of individually packed oat-based biscuits and 2 slightly unhinged professional consultants. It transpired that we were to be lead on our journey to success by a rock climbing hippy, and a portly woman in an Aer Lingus hostess jacket. Clearly no expense had been spared.
I spent the next 8 hours alternating between both lying and talking out of my arse (they are different disciplines), and it was fucking exhausting. After being bombarded by unnecessary acronyms and a stream of meaningless sentences consisting of nonsensical terms such as "horizon scanning", I was a broken man. At the end of the session I had been reduced to reassuring my colleagues that I would be taking "personal ownership of both my team and my personal goals." I then went home, crawled into the shower and wept for half an hour.
To make up for yesterday's lapse, I have been spending significant periods of time on Ebay looking for a pair of shorts. I have not made a single bid.
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