Karaoke

Regrettably, I'm attending a Karaoke-based work do this evening. I am far from enthusiastic at this prospect, as I have a keen dislike for both Karaoke and everything it represents (JAPAN). My aversion to the this particular mode of partying is probably due my innate crapness at it. I have a chronic phobia of public singing as well as crap eyes. This means I have to lean, squinting into the screen in order to distinguish the lyrics, which I then feebly whimper into the microphone. When performing karaoke I both look, and sound like a cunt. If I packed a hamper of full of shit-filled baguettes to hand out during my performance, I could offer possibly the worst sensory experience of a lifetime.

Work social events in themselves can be fun, the drink serving the purpose of bringing everyone's simmering hatred for their professional lives to the surface. In my experience, these occasions descend into bitter session of collective abuse. Everyone taking turns to air their spiteful grievances about their colleagues. It's a hoot.

In my old job at a LTSB call-centre (SHABBA) I endured a supremely unpleasant Christmas work party. By about 8.30 it had descended into farce, and I entered the boys toilets to find a call-centre team leader (high on 2 drink tokens) shouting "FAGGOT!" as he booted a toilet cubicle. There was no one inside. The event was eventually put out of it's misery after a mass brawl erupted outside. A total of 2 police vans were necessary to subdue the violence, and a man called Barney lost his job. The ABBA tribute band didn't know what the fuck was happening.