Bus Spotting

I got locked out of my house Saturday afternoon and was unfortunate enough to be accosted by a real-life bus spotter. Before this weekend I had been oblivious to the existence of this particular hobby, but apparently this actually happens:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1028665/Bus-spotter-forced-40-year-hobby-labelled-terrorist-paedophile.html

As my man approached, the nutter alarm bells were beginning to ring, and there were several 'tells' that indicated that this guy was fruit flavoured:

1. He was carrying an oversized clipboard (Definitely the biggest clipboard I've ever seen).
2. He was wearing shorts on a windy February afternoon.
3. His face was extremely flushed, suggesting sexual arousal (it is now clear that this was caused by a bus and/or buses).

The small talk that I was subsequently subjected to by this oddball was so excruciating, that I had to walk away from my own house and take shelter in my local Ladbrokes. Here is a snippet of the most awkward conversation in the world:

Bus spotter: So, are you locked out of your house?

Me: Yeah, I lost my keys last night.

Bus spotter: Are you going to have to wait for someone to let you in?

Me: Uh yeah, hopefully my mum or sister will be home soon.

Bus spotter: Well I'm sure they'll be along soon.

Me: Yeah... So are you waiting for a bus.

Bus Stopper: No, I'm bus spotting.

Me: Oh right...

Bus spotter: These houses are nice, my friend lives at 193.

Me: Really (feigning interest), what is their...

Bus stopper (Interrupting): The top bedroom is very big isn't it? My friend has her bathroom downstairs though. Where is your bathroom?

At this point I pretended to answer the phone and promptly walked away from the situation.