Pet Peeve #2

Getting my haircut.

I know that like racism, this is a bit of an obvious one. However, I thought that I should reiterate why something that should be a relatively innocuous bit of life admin, has actually become a frequent source of trauma for characters such as myself.

The main issue is that many men never, ever get the haircut they ask for or imagine that they deserve. Often, we struggle to obtain even a vague approximation of what we have asked for. For near on a decade, my previous barber John (the proud proprietor of John's) would give me a crude interpretation of a French Crop. As a child living in Catford this standard issue barnet was never really a problem. Luckily my school wasn't the kind of place where you would find a socially confident 9 year-old named Piers or Gabriel. Sadly due to the nature of the world we live in, such a haircut became a contentious issue as I entered into my awkward teenage years.

In an attempt to remedy an appalling lack of success with the opposite sex (girls), I tried to persuade John into merely 'taking a little off he back and sides'. After reaching a verbal agreement before the haircut had begun, I naively embraced what I thought was to be a new dawn in haircuts. Inevitably John almost instantly reneged on our deal. A familiar sense of resignation overcame me as I heard the grim buzz of the overworked Lemington.

The charade that follows such an event will be familiar to many. I congratulated John on a job well done as he used his supplementary mirror to proudly expose the horror he has unleashed upon my scalp. After I left his establishment I waited until comfortably out of site before hastily covering my shame with both hat and hood. This incident as lead to a lifetime of ill-advised homemade haircuts and subsequent hat wearing. Thanks John.

BTW, this picture of celebrity hair ponce Nicky Clarke was taken as part of the movement to free Tibet. Whoever had this idea has surely lost sight of the issue at hand. They're making T signs with their hands because Tibet begins with a T. Jesus.