Beer Review #1

This beauty comes coutesy of 'Groovehound'. This guy ticks so many wanker alarm bells it's unreal. This an unedited transcript of his review of 'The Fighting Cocks' in Kingston.



I gave this place a good chance, but there's so many chips on shoulders around here that it's hard to enjoy oneself, especially if one comes looking to find fellow alternative people and so specifically samples how friendly people are. We came in to watch a good gig. Stayed for a drink as there was late public transport home. I don't think they serve very late.We left our pints in a safe position, after last orders, and went out to smoke a spliff, because that's what we like to do, and it makes me personally drink much more moderatel rather than damaging my liver. We didn't go out for a fight, or to piss on the venue's wall, mind. We respectfully moved out of the bouncer's zone of responsibility off the premises, so the venue wasn't committing an offence by allowing consumption on the premises (even though being alternative ultimately means ignoring stupid laws and traditions, right?), and lit up. Came back 5 mins later to find our pints gone. They wouldn't replace them even with halves. I did state that I though it would be a good thing to give us some given that it was no longer possible to replace them. That's about it. No raised voices. Cue the bouncer appearing and saying "if you weren't smoking wacky backy you'd have your pints now". Well a) a polite (from our side) conversation with the bar staff doesn't warrant your intervention mate, and b) what the fuck has the smoking got to do with you if we smoke weed away from your premises? I suppose he'd rather we spend more on their crap lager and have a fight so he'd have someting to do? He might have been right, but we could also have smuggled our glasses out if they were going to make it difficult, but we like to do things honestly.I hate passive-aggressive cowards, and this place reeks of it. If you don't like anyone not in your cliche, then admit it LOUDLY, to look like the narrow minds you are. Don't do shit behind someone's back, or make them wait all century for service when they've done nothing wrong, whilst giving out bad vibes. That's as pathetic as most chav culture, which you're supposed to be the alternative to, right? Why are people so damn shallow but think they're the mutt's nuts and something special?Bad vibes, and I get on with most people when possible, honest.It's the worst kind of capitalism to charge a lot for poor beers just because you're the only place around that's alternative. You ought to charge less, attract people by the force of the vibe (versus the BEST places in the whole of London, not just in Hicksville, Zone 6), and get people happier. EVERYONE likes to be happy, including Black Metallers, for fuck's sake. Even if they don't admit it. Who wants to pay to be miserable, 'cool' and 'scene'? Idiots, I say.Sure that's a generalisation, but just because you live in a chav haven does NOT give you the right to act super-scene and the view from inside your own rectal passage cannot be any nicer than the one on London Rd!Try the Bedford Park in Streatham for more down to earth rock, metal and PEOPLE! Still crap beer, but cheaper and less pretentious, less window-dressing. What's more important? Closer to the centre, too, if you're heading off afterwards.Gets a 4 for the gigs, a 0 for the vibe.
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Groovehound - 16 Oct 2008 21:47