Out of my mind with boredom at the office today. Generally don’t mind Thursdays, but it’s not even lunch yet and I’m struggling. Usually I’m vibeing for Friday by now… Was so bored this morning I deliberately spilt a mug of piping hot tea all over myself in order to generate some excitement within the office. The tea stunt backfired badly, as the health and safety bloke was lurking behind our stationary cabinet when the spillage occurred. Before I could protest he was on me with his wet wipes, and he managed to get five crotch rubs in before I could force him off. The wet wipes left a soapy aftermath on my trousers. Why he thought wet wipes were appropriate is beyond me. Everyone knows a damp tea towel is the way to go when a hot drink is spilt on another human being.
While he was scrubbing my crotch I clocked the shoddy workmanship of his hair piece, and a waft of stale allspice rose from his scalp, stinging my nostrils. The collar of his shirt was yellowed by years of excessive perspiration and own-brand detergent. There is no excuse for this type of thing in the Primark age. You can get a decent work shirt for £4 and an entire suit for £20! Yet here he is walking around in a heavily stained shirt, and a pair of mustard slacks with a 30 inch waistband (he isn’t kidding anyone, his paunch is out of control). Divorced, middle-aged men make me sad.
I know this time tomorrow I will be vibeing because it’s my friend Jon’s birthday. He has organised a BNO (Boy’s Night Out) and I think it may get a little tasty. For a while I was calling it the BBNO (Birthday Boy’s Night Out) but Jon said that was lame, so I stopped. I don’t think he realises how hurtful he can be. The night will start at 6pm in Covent Garden, where the City Boys (Me, Jon and George) will meet for a few cold ones. After that we will be travelling back South to Bedrock then Bibas for a double dose of Bromley. Not sure if we will be hitting the Vodka Red Bulls or the Jägerbombs. Jon will probably want both, but I’m not having that. One thing is for sure, I will be making sure that he stays off the JägerJons.
Really looking forward to seeing George tomorrow. I haven’t seen him for a while, and feel like I’m missing out. We used to hang out all the time, but then he got himself a girlfriend. He hasn’t looked back since. For a flavour of what George is about check out his blog, ‘Blogzville’. It covers poetry, travel, the hustle/bustle of the PR industry and ethnic music. I’m a little bit jealous to be honest as it blows my blog out of the water. All I can think to talk about are fictional paedophiles and eating at McDonald's.
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