Eggs Bruv

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last few weeks, but as mentioned in one my previous posts, a spike in my workload and the introduction of a new desk mate in the shape of 'Alp', have severely limited my opportunities to post. Fortunately my workload is beginning to tail off, and Alp has enrolled for a stint in the Cypriot national service. What a guy! Sturdy, reliable Alp has been a revelation since his arrival. His seemingly infinite line of dad jokes, whilst resolutely unfunny, are still mysteriously comforting. The only downside of his presence is the distinct possibility that my hairline will begin to synchronise with that of follically challenged Alp (LIKE PERIODS). If this happens and I end up bald, then I will be modelling myself on everyone's favourite celebrity slaphead: Richard O'Brien. Both nimble and highly intelligent - he wears his baldness like a medal of honour.

The picture above is an example of British Rail's recent campaign to get the youth of the day excited about rail travel. A series of adverts based on film posters have cropped up in train stations around London. Getting on the 8.08 to South Norwood is pretty much the antithesis of starring in a Hollywood blockbuster, so rather than encouraging the uptake of Young Person Railcards, they just exacerbate the persistent malaise that accompanies the daily commute. As you can see, the posters are jarringly shoddy approximations of real films. I think the poster above is meant to allude to the Terminator movies, but I don't remember Arnold Schwarzenegger portraying the disgruntled, goggle-wearing mechanic from Basingstoke who is depicted here.

By far the worst offender of these adverts is the "Dude where's your Railcard" number featuring some berk with an emo hardrock haircut shouting "Dude, where's your railcard?" whilst giving it the 'Big L'. I'm starting to resent being called a loser every morning by this prick:

"Dude, Where's your railcard?"

"I don't have one. Does that make me a loser? I know I never planned to go into admin on a full-time basis. BUT IT PAYS THE BILLS."

"Forget the job buddy, only squares work 9 to 5. Me and Brad are going surfing, why don't you come with."

"It's not that simple, I can't just drop everything mate, I have a job. Also, why do I need a railcard. Can't I just ride with you guys in the camper van?"

"Sorry, not enough room."

"But there's loads of room."

This conversation continues until I am forcibly moved on by a burly member of the Southeastern workforce.

The railcard campaign is one of the more patronising, ill-advised youth targeted advertising campaigns in recent times. But it's not a patch on the Lion eggs campaign from a few years back, which attempted to convince the world that hip hop loving teens get mad hyped over eggs. There was a TV advert where an ethnically diverse group of lads burst into the kitchen, flick on Kiss FM and start debating what they are going to have for lunch. It is never explained what they have been doing to build up such an appetite (presumably something suitably urban, such as breakdancing or gangrape). I have been unable to find a video of this advert online, but below is a paraphrased transcript of the discussion that leads to the group decision to lunch on eggs:

Boy 1: " This is a tune mate!"

Boy 2: "Get me, I'm hungry though, still."

Boy 3: "You reading my mind bruv! You got any ham up in this bitch?"

Boy 1: "Ham? Are you gay?

Boy 2: "Get me! Ham is a dickhead munch."

Boy 3: "I'm sorry."

Boy 1 reaches into cupboard and excitedly discovers a 6 pack of eggs.

Boy 2: Braaapp Braaapp! Eggs in da house!

Boy 3 mimes a whisking motion (presumably to denote the omelette-making process)

Advert ends.

If anyone can get hold of this footage then you will receive a truly spectacular egg-related prize.

Youth orientated advertising wasn't always this ill-advised. See below for an example of how it should be done: