Unconvincing Swearing
Yesterday, an otherwise upset-free trip to Sainsbury's was tainted by some textbook unconvincing swearing. I can be a pretty big fan of swearing; but only when it's employed by someone who knows what they're playing at. Unfortunately, it was amateur's night in the biscuit aisle of New Cross Sainsbury's yesterday evening. Whilst contemplating the delicious Taste the Difference range of cookies on offer, my decision making process was abruptly curtailed by a Peruvian hat wearing Goldsmith's student :
"Come on Guy, we can't afford Hobnobs. Lets just get a fuck off box of Basics cereal. It will last us for ages."
Woah! Did she just drop the F-Bomb? This crude attempt to pass off being a tight arse as rock n roll had thrown me. It is going to take more than an inappropriate 'fuck' to generate enthusiasm for the of joyless thrift that forbids the purchase of Hobnobs. Not that I had much sympathy with young 'Guy' either. He crumbled immediately, and like a freshly walloped 4-year old, promptly placed the Hobnobs back on the shelf. I'm sure the rest of their shop was littered with similar exchanges:
"Fuck Andrex! You can get a fuckload of the cheap stuff for half the price!"
"Why are you getting Heinz you dick. Check out the cracked-out prices on the own brand shit."
"Oh my cunt. You can buy toothpaste for 10p!"
The unnecessary "fuck" generated in me the same emotions as when I encounter a guitar playing Christian. I once saw a scruffy haired, open-collared vicar/ponce type do an acoustic cover of Kool and the Gang's 'Get down on it'. This number was part of an impromptu 'set' that formed an integral part of the service at a now estranged cousin's wedding. That day I realised that guitars had no place inside a church, even if the church in question was a recently converted Plumbase.
Here's how it should be done:
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