Girl next door

I know there have been no posts for a while. My creative talents have been employed elsewhere as I attempt to write a series of short stories that portray the experiences of West Indian immigrants in 1950's Britain. So far, so shit. The lack of West Indian pensioners in my friendship group is really hampering my research. I've resorted to transcribing episodes of 'Desmond's', with the only alteration being that in my stories a sneering copper occasionally walks into the barbershop and says something racist in cockney.

At the moment I only have hope for one of my stories (the plot of which I stole from a recently aired BBC drama). Colour Bind depicts the numerous obstacles facing a mixed-race couple cohabiting in 1950's London. The male protagonist is a skilled Jamaican carpenter, struggling to find work because of the colour of his skin. His lover is a white, girl-next-door type whose choice of man results in her being ostracised from her family. At the moment her character needs a bit of work. So far all I know is that she has a penchant for handsome blouses, underneath which lurk a cracking pair of bangers.

In today's Evening Standard, professional knob-friend Neil Saunders described Emma Watson as a "girl-next-door with a twist". Twist? Buff, millionaire, posh actress is a pretty substantial twist to be putting on 'girl-next-door'. If putting a twist on something allows you to take such sizeable liberties, then technically I could be referred to as "girl-next-door with a twist". In this case the twist is that I am a man. I will be expecting a call from Burberry in the morning.

Ever since I first encountered the phrase "girl-next-door" I have been troubled by it's meaning. It always seems to be used in reference to fit celebrity babes who just so happen to have sensible hair. When I lived with my mum in Catford, my girl-next-door was well into her seventies, suffered from cataracts and repeatedly fed our cat inappropriate foodstuffs, despite repeated requests that she stop. She was close to being different species from Kate Winslet.

FYI:

2010 Resolutions:

1. Go to Greggs less
2. Get 'Jean Claude Ran Damme' (random) into the popular lexicon. Example: "and the next morning I woke up covered in bruises, and John Barrowman was asleep in my bath. How Jean Claude Ran Damme is that?"
3. Write an edgy novel about 'The Ketamine Generation'
4. Join 'Metro Station'
5. Poo in a urinal