Celebrity Come Dine with Me (The Remake)

After enjoying Sunday's Celebrity Come Dine with Me so much, I've decided to stage a remake of this special episode in my own home. I have approached the 4 celebrity participants, and so far only Roy Walker has agreed to attend the event to be hosted in New Cross. Les Battersby felt that my last blog entry was derogatory and has refused to attend the meal. Your loss Les, I was cooking fish, and we all know how much you like fish...

ANYWAY, I'm not going to let one selfish soap actor scupper the ultimate dinner party, so I've decided to rope in a replacement. After scouring the web for Les Battersby lookalikes, I've managed to find two relatively plausible options:

LES 1

LES 2

While Les 2 is clearly the closest to 'real' Les in terms of appearance, I feel that Les 1 some how manages to capture an abstract essence of 'real' Les that transcends mere aesthetic similarities. Also the combination of Les 1's shoddy webcam promotional picture and complete lack shared physical traits with his supposed lookalike, suggest that he may be short on work. Rendering him the cheaper option of the two.

Come Dine with Me

Anyone see celebrity Come Dine with Me yesterday? If not, you missed a classic. The celebs were Yvette Fielding, Roy Walker, Les Battersby and Natasha Hamilton (the surprisingly fit one from Atomic Kitten). The producers pulled a master stroke in booking Walker, Battersby and their attendent alcoholism for the show. Apart from some unsavoury ogling of the Atomic Kitten, this alarmingly red-faced pair of codgers were great value. Highlights of the show include:

1. Roy Walker repeatedly lunging at the camera with a spatula as if he was holding a foil. He must of done this at least 8 times whilst preparing the meal. It was the kind of behaviour you would expect from an attention seeking homeless man if Channel 4 decided to film a documentary in his local park/home. Yvette Fielding cackled like a nutter in the background every time Roy Walker embarked on this comic routine.

2. Les Battersby completely misjudging the tone of Celebrity CDWM. He got inappropriately emotional after being served fish during Roy Walker's piss up. Apparently, before embarking on his CDWM adventure Les wasn't a big fish fan. But after enjoying Roy's trademark mackerel dish, Les got all tearful and started rueing all of the wonderful fish suppers he has missed out on. Les Battersby had gone into Celebrity Wife Swap mode and was visibly invigorated by all the life changes he was going to make. Les had obviously forgotten about the life changes he said he would make when he actually did appear on Celebrity Wife Swap. He got all tearful then, and promised Sinitta that he would cut down on the sauce. This has clearly not happened.

3. Yvette Fielding getting randy during Roy Walker's meal. She kissed Les Battersby (with tongue) despite the fact he was still in a tearful state of post-fish reflection and had a mouth full of black pudding. Yvette also said she fancied Roy Walker and started rolling on his bed, cackling like a nutter after making her sexy confession.

4. Unfortunately, I missed Les Battersby's meal. But I'm sure it was a highlight. The worst case scenario would be Les getting tearful (AGAIN) and verbally abusing the Atomic Kitten for attempting to conceal a lukewarm Rustler's BBQ Rib burger in her handbag. The best case scenario is that he orders in a curry and no one gets E coli.